This is my story. A story of surviving a relationship that made me lose sight of myself, my needs, my dreams. It's a story of love, disappointment and hope and one that I hope will inspire those that feel stuck in a toxic relationship to make a change.
For many years, I would (inwardly) describe John as ‘Del Boy’. For those of you not in the UK, he was a fictional character on a popular Eighties sitcom and, like Del Boy, John would always have a bright idea that was going to have the money ‘rolling in’. Usually, that meant I’d have to […]
Read More Money, Money, MoneySo, last year, after the nice evening and me agreeing to give it a go for a month – it then turned into a weird few days. It took until Thursday that week for me to feel like myself – my new self, of course. The rest of the week, I had been feeling agitated […]
Read More Not Losing MyselfI don’t know if this makes sense but I am struggling at the moment yet I’m also somehow thriving – is that even possible? Let me explain. Thanks to the lockdown, I am the heaviest weight I’ve been in a very long time. Yet, this morning I stepped on the scales and was pleasantly surprised […]
Read More StrugglingSo, around July last year, an interesting thing happened – John and I had a deep and meaningful conversation which ended positively. I am as shocked as anyone. I had spent the week being pretty pissed off with him – he hadn’t spoken to or seen the children for the whole week. I sent him […]
Read More CONFUSED.COMWhenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome. Unknown I thought I’d better come back to where I am now as the posts have been a bit – […]
Read More STRONGERHere, in the UK we are in lockdown like much of the rest of the world. A friend said to me that at the end of this, gyms will see a surge because we will all be fatter (I can testify to that as I’ve already put on several pounds…) and there will be a […]
Read More LOCK. IT. DOWN.It was after I’d had our second child that I knew I needed to put some real effort into passing my driving test. I couldn’t rely on John and having two children to travel with would be trickier – I needed this. Our second daughter was two years old when I took my test – […]
Read More DRIVING – AT LAST.I knew John was regularly telling people I was frigid and didn’t like sex. He even organised an awkward trip with one of his female friends to visit Ann Summers – I kid you not. She was very nice about it, but it was one of the most embarrassing, humiliating times of my life. My […]
Read More Sex, Anyone?As I became more confident, I went out more with Little Miss. The only problem was public transport and buggies do not make for a pleasurable experience. I relied on John to drive us to the supermarket – “We went shopping last week! What do you need now?!” I couldn’t rely on him to drive […]
Read More Babies, Buses, Buggies and Delays: Part 2I had failed my driving test twice – once before we got married and once soon after. It was just me though, so it wasn’t a big deal getting on public transport – it was what I’d always done. If we were going somewhere together, then he – let’s call him John – would generally […]
Read More Babies, Buses, Buggies and Delays: Part 1
This Can't Be Love 