This is my story. A story of surviving a relationship that made me lose sight of myself, my needs, my dreams. It's a story of love, disappointment and hope and one that I hope will inspire those that feel stuck in a toxic relationship to make a change.
That whole afternoon, John acted as though we weren’t there. He had work that evening so he eventually packed up his equipment and left. I thought at that point that I would never speak to him again. I didn’t know what time he got in that night – I just remember him being there, in […]
Read More Sorry – AgainIt was a normal Saturday morning. I was collecting the washing to bring to the kitchen. John was barely talking to me but I wasn’t bothered. We got on with the usual stuff – my eldest went to her dance class, Little Miss II moaned about doing her homework. When Little Miss arrived back home, […]
Read More Pushed Aside – Quite LiterallyI love Christmas. I love spending time with my family, seeing the children get excited over presents – I love the togetherness of it all. But in those early years I started to dread it. Initially I would speak about what we were doing for Christmas at the start of December – just so it […]
Read More Christmas Time and Everything’s Just Fine…The next day I really felt the weight of it all. It was tough. My son had not been well, so he clambered into bed with me around 1.30am. I sent him back to bed after a little while (anyone with a three year old knows they can’t keep still). He reappeared just after 2am […]
Read More Heavy HeartJohn started a new job the same week that lockdown was announced so he’s been on probation. We have been forced to live together through our separation although I don’t think he’s been as bothered about it as me. This week, John was told his probation has been extended for another three months. Not ideal […]
Read More Taking ResponsibilityI went to see John the same evening after his operation. He looked so frail and I was so pleased he was ok. I didn’t stay long but he reminded me of a list of numbers he’d written that was on his desk at home – a list of people he wanted me to tell […]
Read More In Sickness and in Health: Part TwoDon’t ever think I fell for you, or fell over you. I didn’t fall in love, I rose in it. I saw you and made up my mind. Toni Morrison – Jazz I had often dreamed of being rescued – of some man thinking I was worth it all and sweeping me off my feet. […]
Read More In Sickness and in Health? Part OneFor many years, I would (inwardly) describe John as ‘Del Boy’. For those of you not in the UK, he was a fictional character on a popular Eighties sitcom and, like Del Boy, John would always have a bright idea that was going to have the money ‘rolling in’. Usually, that meant I’d have to […]
Read More Money, Money, MoneyWhenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome. Unknown I thought I’d better come back to where I am now as the posts have been a bit – […]
Read More STRONGERHere, in the UK we are in lockdown like much of the rest of the world. A friend said to me that at the end of this, gyms will see a surge because we will all be fatter (I can testify to that as I’ve already put on several pounds…) and there will be a […]
Read More LOCK. IT. DOWN.
This Can't Be Love 