This is my story. A story of surviving a relationship that made me lose sight of myself, my needs, my dreams. It's a story of love, disappointment and hope and one that I hope will inspire those that feel stuck in a toxic relationship to make a change.
I love Christmas. I love spending time with my family, seeing the children get excited over presents – I love the togetherness of it all. But in those early years I started to dread it. Initially I would speak about what we were doing for Christmas at the start of December – just so it […]
Read More Christmas Time and Everything’s Just Fine…The next day I really felt the weight of it all. It was tough. My son had not been well, so he clambered into bed with me around 1.30am. I sent him back to bed after a little while (anyone with a three year old knows they can’t keep still). He reappeared just after 2am […]
Read More Heavy HeartIt was back in September last year that I decided to bite the bullet and speak to John. There was no point dragging it out – in fact it was unfair. It was a Sunday and he had come round early in the day to get some things for his photography job. When he got […]
Read More THAT CONVERSATIONJohn and I have a mutual friend. He started out as John’s friend but has been one of the few who ‘crossed over’ and made me his friend too when John and I married. This friend – let’s call him Mark – has listened to and advised both John and me. He doesn’t judge or […]
Read More FramilyJohn started a new job the same week that lockdown was announced so he’s been on probation. We have been forced to live together through our separation although I don’t think he’s been as bothered about it as me. This week, John was told his probation has been extended for another three months. Not ideal […]
Read More Taking ResponsibilityI went to see John the same evening after his operation. He looked so frail and I was so pleased he was ok. I didn’t stay long but he reminded me of a list of numbers he’d written that was on his desk at home – a list of people he wanted me to tell […]
Read More In Sickness and in Health: Part TwoAround this time last year, I was speed walking to the bus at the station. As I reached the door, there coming towards me was a man with an incredible smile – tall, dark-skinned loveliness, gesturing for me to get on the bus ahead of him. I smiled, said ‘thank you’ and got on the […]
Read More All Change PleaseFor many years, I would (inwardly) describe John as ‘Del Boy’. For those of you not in the UK, he was a fictional character on a popular Eighties sitcom and, like Del Boy, John would always have a bright idea that was going to have the money ‘rolling in’. Usually, that meant I’d have to […]
Read More Money, Money, MoneySo, last year, after the nice evening and me agreeing to give it a go for a month – it then turned into a weird few days. It took until Thursday that week for me to feel like myself – my new self, of course. The rest of the week, I had been feeling agitated […]
Read More Not Losing MyselfI don’t know if this makes sense but I am struggling at the moment yet I’m also somehow thriving – is that even possible? Let me explain. Thanks to the lockdown, I am the heaviest weight I’ve been in a very long time. Yet, this morning I stepped on the scales and was pleasantly surprised […]
Read More Struggling
This Can't Be Love 