Heavy Heart

The next day I really felt the weight of it all. It was tough. My son had not been well, so he clambered into bed with me around 1.30am. I sent him back to bed after a little while (anyone with a three year old knows they can’t keep still). He reappeared just after 2am […]

In Sickness and in Health: Part Two

I went to see John the same evening after his operation. He looked so frail and I was so pleased he was ok. I didn’t stay long but he reminded me of a list of numbers he’d written that was on his desk at home – a list of people he wanted me to tell […]

In Sickness and in Health? Part One

Don’t ever think I fell for you, or fell over you. I didn’t fall in love, I rose in it. I saw you and made up my mind. Toni Morrison – Jazz I had often dreamed of being rescued – of some man thinking I was worth it all and sweeping me off my feet. […]

Money, Money, Money

For many years, I would (inwardly) describe John as ‘Del Boy’. For those of you not in the UK, he was a fictional character on a popular Eighties sitcom and, like Del Boy, John would always have a bright idea that was going to have the money ‘rolling in’. Usually, that meant I’d have to […]

CONFUSED.COM

So, around July last year, an interesting thing happened – John and I had a deep and meaningful conversation which ended positively. I am as shocked as anyone. I had spent the week being pretty pissed off with him – he hadn’t spoken to or seen the children for the whole week. I sent him […]

STRONGER

Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome. Unknown I thought I’d better come back to where I am now as the posts have been a bit – […]

LOCK. IT. DOWN.

Here, in the UK we are in lockdown like much of the rest of the world. A friend said to me that at the end of this, gyms will see a surge because we will all be fatter (I can testify to that as I’ve already put on several pounds…) and there will be a […]

DRIVING – AT LAST.

It was after I’d had our second child that I knew I needed to put some real effort into passing my driving test. I couldn’t rely on John and having two children to travel with would be trickier – I needed this. Our second daughter was two years old when I took my test – […]

Stuck

I can look back now and say yes, it was emotional abuse. It was a term I didn’t know all those years ago and not something I ever considered. He wasn’t hitting me so it was fine – I had to suck it up and carry on. My self-esteem virtually disappeared. I was nothing special. […]

Merry Christmas

It was 2007 and two days before Christmas. I was at my Mum’s with my daughter. It was a Sunday and John had gone to church. He randomly called me and asked if I wanted to be picked up. Surprised, I said yes and he said he’d be there in twenty minutes. When we got […]