This is my story. A story of surviving a relationship that made me lose sight of myself, my needs, my dreams. It's a story of love, disappointment and hope and one that I hope will inspire those that feel stuck in a toxic relationship to make a change.
I went to see John the same evening after his operation. He looked so frail and I was so pleased he was ok. I didn’t stay long but he reminded me of a list of numbers he’d written that was on his desk at home – a list of people he wanted me to tell […]
Read More In Sickness and in Health: Part TwoWhat if all lives really mattered? I couldn’t allow the current crisis in the world to pass by without saying something, so you’ll have to forgive me going off topic – but it is necessary. The question above was the thought going through my head at 2.30am this morning. It was enough to get me […]
Read More WHAT IF…?Don’t ever think I fell for you, or fell over you. I didn’t fall in love, I rose in it. I saw you and made up my mind. Toni Morrison – Jazz I had often dreamed of being rescued – of some man thinking I was worth it all and sweeping me off my feet. […]
Read More In Sickness and in Health? Part OneI used to be very judgemental of ‘celebrities’ who were married for five minutes then got divorced. ‘If you made a commitment, you should work through it together’ I’d say. Along with ‘marriage is for life.’ I still believe both of those things – even now whilst on the verge of divorce. I believed John […]
Read More From Failure to SuccessAround this time last year, I was speed walking to the bus at the station. As I reached the door, there coming towards me was a man with an incredible smile – tall, dark-skinned loveliness, gesturing for me to get on the bus ahead of him. I smiled, said ‘thank you’ and got on the […]
Read More All Change PleaseFor many years, I would (inwardly) describe John as ‘Del Boy’. For those of you not in the UK, he was a fictional character on a popular Eighties sitcom and, like Del Boy, John would always have a bright idea that was going to have the money ‘rolling in’. Usually, that meant I’d have to […]
Read More Money, Money, MoneySo, last year, after the nice evening and me agreeing to give it a go for a month – it then turned into a weird few days. It took until Thursday that week for me to feel like myself – my new self, of course. The rest of the week, I had been feeling agitated […]
Read More Not Losing MyselfI don’t know if this makes sense but I am struggling at the moment yet I’m also somehow thriving – is that even possible? Let me explain. Thanks to the lockdown, I am the heaviest weight I’ve been in a very long time. Yet, this morning I stepped on the scales and was pleasantly surprised […]
Read More StrugglingSo, around July last year, an interesting thing happened – John and I had a deep and meaningful conversation which ended positively. I am as shocked as anyone. I had spent the week being pretty pissed off with him – he hadn’t spoken to or seen the children for the whole week. I sent him […]
Read More CONFUSED.COMWhenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome. Unknown I thought I’d better come back to where I am now as the posts have been a bit – […]
Read More STRONGER
This Can't Be Love 