This is my story. A story of surviving a relationship that made me lose sight of myself, my needs, my dreams. It's a story of love, disappointment and hope and one that I hope will inspire those that feel stuck in a toxic relationship to make a change.
That whole afternoon, John acted as though we weren’t there. He had work that evening so he eventually packed up his equipment and left. I thought at that point that I would never speak to him again. I didn’t know what time he got in that night – I just remember him being there, in […]
Read More Sorry – AgainIt was a normal Saturday morning. I was collecting the washing to bring to the kitchen. John was barely talking to me but I wasn’t bothered. We got on with the usual stuff – my eldest went to her dance class, Little Miss II moaned about doing her homework. When Little Miss arrived back home, […]
Read More Pushed Aside – Quite LiterallyHi there, It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Sorry about that. I’ve been juggling home schooling; lack of motivation (kids and mine!); teenage angst; occasional loneliness and, of course, the ‘nothingness’ that is my marriage (eye-roll…). I’m currently unemployed due to the pandemic but it’s given me the push I needed to completely re-think my […]
Read More Hey…John had told me he would be working from the office today so I was looking forward to having the place to myself and some time to write. He didn’t go. Even worse? He had an online training session so was bellowing at the screen for several hours. So much for peace. As he finally […]
Read More ‘Me’ TimeI love Christmas. I love spending time with my family, seeing the children get excited over presents – I love the togetherness of it all. But in those early years I started to dread it. Initially I would speak about what we were doing for Christmas at the start of December – just so it […]
Read More Christmas Time and Everything’s Just Fine…The next day I really felt the weight of it all. It was tough. My son had not been well, so he clambered into bed with me around 1.30am. I sent him back to bed after a little while (anyone with a three year old knows they can’t keep still). He reappeared just after 2am […]
Read More Heavy HeartIt was back in September last year that I decided to bite the bullet and speak to John. There was no point dragging it out – in fact it was unfair. It was a Sunday and he had come round early in the day to get some things for his photography job. When he got […]
Read More THAT CONVERSATIONJohn and I have a mutual friend. He started out as John’s friend but has been one of the few who ‘crossed over’ and made me his friend too when John and I married. This friend – let’s call him Mark – has listened to and advised both John and me. He doesn’t judge or […]
Read More FramilyJohn started a new job the same week that lockdown was announced so he’s been on probation. We have been forced to live together through our separation although I don’t think he’s been as bothered about it as me. This week, John was told his probation has been extended for another three months. Not ideal […]
Read More Taking ResponsibilityI went to see John the same evening after his operation. He looked so frail and I was so pleased he was ok. I didn’t stay long but he reminded me of a list of numbers he’d written that was on his desk at home – a list of people he wanted me to tell […]
Read More In Sickness and in Health: Part Two
This Can't Be Love 