In Sickness and in Health? Part One

Don’t ever think I fell for you, or fell over you. I didn’t fall in love, I rose in it. I saw you and made up my mind. Toni Morrison – Jazz I had often dreamed of being rescued – of some man thinking I was worth it all and sweeping me off my feet. […]

From Failure to Success

I used to be very judgemental of ‘celebrities’ who were married for five minutes then got divorced. ‘If you made a commitment, you should work through it together’ I’d say. Along with ‘marriage is for life.’ I still believe both of those things – even now whilst on the verge of divorce. I believed John […]

All Change Please

Around this time last year, I was speed walking to the bus at the station. As I reached the door, there coming towards me was a man with an incredible smile – tall, dark-skinned loveliness, gesturing for me to get on the bus ahead of him. I smiled, said ‘thank you’ and got on the […]

Struggling

I don’t know if this makes sense but I am struggling at the moment yet I’m also somehow thriving – is that even possible? Let me explain. Thanks to the lockdown, I am the heaviest weight I’ve been in a very long time. Yet, this morning I stepped on the scales and was pleasantly surprised […]

CONFUSED.COM

So, around July last year, an interesting thing happened – John and I had a deep and meaningful conversation which ended positively. I am as shocked as anyone. I had spent the week being pretty pissed off with him – he hadn’t spoken to or seen the children for the whole week. I sent him […]

STRONGER

Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome. Unknown I thought I’d better come back to where I am now as the posts have been a bit – […]

Stuck

I can look back now and say yes, it was emotional abuse. It was a term I didn’t know all those years ago and not something I ever considered. He wasn’t hitting me so it was fine – I had to suck it up and carry on. My self-esteem virtually disappeared. I was nothing special. […]

Merry Christmas

It was 2007 and two days before Christmas. I was at my Mum’s with my daughter. It was a Sunday and John had gone to church. He randomly called me and asked if I wanted to be picked up. Surprised, I said yes and he said he’d be there in twenty minutes. When we got […]

Sex, Anyone?

I knew John was regularly telling people I was frigid and didn’t like sex. He even organised an awkward trip with one of his female friends to visit Ann Summers – I kid you not. She was very nice about it, but it was one of the most embarrassing, humiliating times of my life. My […]

New Beginnings

“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.” Robin Williams in World’s Greatest Dad I have been married for fourteen years. I have three children – 12yrs, 9yrs and 3yrs […]