This is my story. A story of surviving a relationship that made me lose sight of myself, my needs, my dreams. It's a story of love, disappointment and hope and one that I hope will inspire those that feel stuck in a toxic relationship to make a change.
So… I messed up a bit… It was John’s birthday last week. A school day so I assumed he’d want to order his favourite takeaway to have for dinner with the children. I also assumed he’d want to spend the day together as he’s spent a lot of time over the past weeks and months […]
Read More Happy Birthday?That whole afternoon, John acted as though we weren’t there. He had work that evening so he eventually packed up his equipment and left. I thought at that point that I would never speak to him again. I didn’t know what time he got in that night – I just remember him being there, in […]
Read More Sorry – AgainIt was a normal Saturday morning. I was collecting the washing to bring to the kitchen. John was barely talking to me but I wasn’t bothered. We got on with the usual stuff – my eldest went to her dance class, Little Miss II moaned about doing her homework. When Little Miss arrived back home, […]
Read More Pushed Aside – Quite LiterallyHi there, It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Sorry about that. I’ve been juggling home schooling; lack of motivation (kids and mine!); teenage angst; occasional loneliness and, of course, the ‘nothingness’ that is my marriage (eye-roll…). I’m currently unemployed due to the pandemic but it’s given me the push I needed to completely re-think my […]
Read More Hey…I love Christmas. I love spending time with my family, seeing the children get excited over presents – I love the togetherness of it all. But in those early years I started to dread it. Initially I would speak about what we were doing for Christmas at the start of December – just so it […]
Read More Christmas Time and Everything’s Just Fine…The next day I really felt the weight of it all. It was tough. My son had not been well, so he clambered into bed with me around 1.30am. I sent him back to bed after a little while (anyone with a three year old knows they can’t keep still). He reappeared just after 2am […]
Read More Heavy HeartIt was back in September last year that I decided to bite the bullet and speak to John. There was no point dragging it out – in fact it was unfair. It was a Sunday and he had come round early in the day to get some things for his photography job. When he got […]
Read More THAT CONVERSATIONJohn and I have a mutual friend. He started out as John’s friend but has been one of the few who ‘crossed over’ and made me his friend too when John and I married. This friend – let’s call him Mark – has listened to and advised both John and me. He doesn’t judge or […]
Read More FramilyJohn started a new job the same week that lockdown was announced so he’s been on probation. We have been forced to live together through our separation although I don’t think he’s been as bothered about it as me. This week, John was told his probation has been extended for another three months. Not ideal […]
Read More Taking ResponsibilityI went to see John the same evening after his operation. He looked so frail and I was so pleased he was ok. I didn’t stay long but he reminded me of a list of numbers he’d written that was on his desk at home – a list of people he wanted me to tell […]
Read More In Sickness and in Health: Part Two
This Can't Be Love 