This is my story. A story of surviving a relationship that made me lose sight of myself, my needs, my dreams. It's a story of love, disappointment and hope and one that I hope will inspire those that feel stuck in a toxic relationship to make a change.
So… I messed up a bit… It was John’s birthday last week. A school day so I assumed he’d want to order his favourite takeaway to have for dinner with the children. I also assumed he’d want to spend the day together as he’s spent a lot of time over the past weeks and months […]
Read More Happy Birthday?The next day I really felt the weight of it all. It was tough. My son had not been well, so he clambered into bed with me around 1.30am. I sent him back to bed after a little while (anyone with a three year old knows they can’t keep still). He reappeared just after 2am […]
Read More Heavy HeartJohn started a new job the same week that lockdown was announced so he’s been on probation. We have been forced to live together through our separation although I don’t think he’s been as bothered about it as me. This week, John was told his probation has been extended for another three months. Not ideal […]
Read More Taking ResponsibilityDon’t ever think I fell for you, or fell over you. I didn’t fall in love, I rose in it. I saw you and made up my mind. Toni Morrison – Jazz I had often dreamed of being rescued – of some man thinking I was worth it all and sweeping me off my feet. […]
Read More In Sickness and in Health? Part OneI used to be very judgemental of ‘celebrities’ who were married for five minutes then got divorced. ‘If you made a commitment, you should work through it together’ I’d say. Along with ‘marriage is for life.’ I still believe both of those things – even now whilst on the verge of divorce. I believed John […]
Read More From Failure to SuccessAround this time last year, I was speed walking to the bus at the station. As I reached the door, there coming towards me was a man with an incredible smile – tall, dark-skinned loveliness, gesturing for me to get on the bus ahead of him. I smiled, said ‘thank you’ and got on the […]
Read More All Change PleaseHere, in the UK we are in lockdown like much of the rest of the world. A friend said to me that at the end of this, gyms will see a surge because we will all be fatter (I can testify to that as I’ve already put on several pounds…) and there will be a […]
Read More LOCK. IT. DOWN.I can look back now and say yes, it was emotional abuse. It was a term I didn’t know all those years ago and not something I ever considered. He wasn’t hitting me so it was fine – I had to suck it up and carry on. My self-esteem virtually disappeared. I was nothing special. […]
Read More StuckIt was 2007 and two days before Christmas. I was at my Mum’s with my daughter. It was a Sunday and John had gone to church. He randomly called me and asked if I wanted to be picked up. Surprised, I said yes and he said he’d be there in twenty minutes. When we got […]
Read More Merry ChristmasAs I became more confident, I went out more with Little Miss. The only problem was public transport and buggies do not make for a pleasurable experience. I relied on John to drive us to the supermarket – “We went shopping last week! What do you need now?!” I couldn’t rely on him to drive […]
Read More Babies, Buses, Buggies and Delays: Part 2
This Can't Be Love 