This is my story. A story of surviving a relationship that made me lose sight of myself, my needs, my dreams. It's a story of love, disappointment and hope and one that I hope will inspire those that feel stuck in a toxic relationship to make a change.
So… I messed up a bit… It was John’s birthday last week. A school day so I assumed he’d want to order his favourite takeaway to have for dinner with the children. I also assumed he’d want to spend the day together as he’s spent a lot of time over the past weeks and months […]
Read More Happy Birthday?That whole afternoon, John acted as though we weren’t there. He had work that evening so he eventually packed up his equipment and left. I thought at that point that I would never speak to him again. I didn’t know what time he got in that night – I just remember him being there, in […]
Read More Sorry – AgainIt was a normal Saturday morning. I was collecting the washing to bring to the kitchen. John was barely talking to me but I wasn’t bothered. We got on with the usual stuff – my eldest went to her dance class, Little Miss II moaned about doing her homework. When Little Miss arrived back home, […]
Read More Pushed Aside – Quite LiterallyHi there, It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Sorry about that. I’ve been juggling home schooling; lack of motivation (kids and mine!); teenage angst; occasional loneliness and, of course, the ‘nothingness’ that is my marriage (eye-roll…). I’m currently unemployed due to the pandemic but it’s given me the push I needed to completely re-think my […]
Read More Hey…I love Christmas. I love spending time with my family, seeing the children get excited over presents – I love the togetherness of it all. But in those early years I started to dread it. Initially I would speak about what we were doing for Christmas at the start of December – just so it […]
Read More Christmas Time and Everything’s Just Fine…I went to see John the same evening after his operation. He looked so frail and I was so pleased he was ok. I didn’t stay long but he reminded me of a list of numbers he’d written that was on his desk at home – a list of people he wanted me to tell […]
Read More In Sickness and in Health: Part TwoWhat if all lives really mattered? I couldn’t allow the current crisis in the world to pass by without saying something, so you’ll have to forgive me going off topic – but it is necessary. The question above was the thought going through my head at 2.30am this morning. It was enough to get me […]
Read More WHAT IF…?Don’t ever think I fell for you, or fell over you. I didn’t fall in love, I rose in it. I saw you and made up my mind. Toni Morrison – Jazz I had often dreamed of being rescued – of some man thinking I was worth it all and sweeping me off my feet. […]
Read More In Sickness and in Health? Part OneI used to be very judgemental of ‘celebrities’ who were married for five minutes then got divorced. ‘If you made a commitment, you should work through it together’ I’d say. Along with ‘marriage is for life.’ I still believe both of those things – even now whilst on the verge of divorce. I believed John […]
Read More From Failure to SuccessI can look back now and say yes, it was emotional abuse. It was a term I didn’t know all those years ago and not something I ever considered. He wasn’t hitting me so it was fine – I had to suck it up and carry on. My self-esteem virtually disappeared. I was nothing special. […]
Read More Stuck
This Can't Be Love 