‘Me’ Time

John had told me he would be working from the office today so I was looking forward to having the place to myself and some time to write.

He didn’t go.

Even worse? He had an online training session so was bellowing at the screen for several hours. So much for peace.

As he finally made plans to go out (at 2pm!!) I said I was glad to have some time to myself.

“Like you never have time to yourself” he huffed.

I smiled and said bye and he asked why I was off with him. I didn’t rise to it but let me tell you about the events of the last few weeks and you decide if I deserve a couple of hours to myself…

September began and so did the return to school – early starts, school-run, packed lunches, homework, ironing school uniform, etc, etc. My son had been at school for two days – two days – when he came down with a stomach bug and ended up spending the next week at home. So let’s add cleaning up vomit to the list (a constant reminder of which is now on my bedroom carpet as a lovely trailing stain that I can’t get out…), along with the sleepless nights that are part of the course when a child is ill.

The following week, as well as all the school stuff, I had a consult at the hospital about my mum-tum (which apparently is a hernia – completely contradicting the first consultant that said it wasn’t…). I was sent for a pre-op assessment which seemed a bit nonsensical as the likelihood of an operation happening this year is zilch but who am I to question a consultant?

The pre-op consisted of weight, height check along with blood pressure and blood test.

I thought nothing of it and got on with my day – only to be called by a nurse in the evening telling me my haemoglobin level was extremely low and I needed to go back to the hospital. I was in the midst of serving dinner – serving spoon in hand, transferring to bowls.

ME: What – now?

NURSE: I would recommend you come in now, yes.

ME: Can I come in the morning after I’ve dropped the kids off at school?

NURSE: (Sharp inhale) Put it this way – I don’t want to scare you, but if you were in the hospital right now we’d be doing everything to find out what was going on.

ME: (butterflies starting to form in my stomach) OK, I’ll leave shortly.

I tried to sound as matter-of-fact about it as I could as the children were around me and I didn’t want to scare them. We sat and ate dinner together – I figured I was going to spend several hours in A&E so I had better eat first.

When the children had finished and left the room, I explained to John what was happening (even though I knew he too had heard the conversation but hadn’t asked anything about it) and said I was going. He neither flinched nor looked remotely interested. My legs felt like jelly – the urgency in the nurse’s voice starting to sink in.

As I was leaving the room, John asked if I was going on my own – I kept moving and said I didn’t have a choice.

I left, got in the car and had a bit of a wobble – but that is precisely where my faith kicked in. I put on some worship music and trusted that all things will work out for my good, just as God said it will.

At the hospital, it was almost comical – I was asked questions by a nurse who then asked me to take a seat. I could clearly see the nurses’ station from where I was sat and at one point, they all looked up at me in complete shock – as if I shouldn’t be standing with a haemoglobin count as low as mine! One of them took my chart and disappeared off round a corner. She reappeared a few minutes later with a porter and a chair…! She called my name and I felt like such a fraud – I was perfectly fine to walk the few steps to the area with beds! She looked at me with great concern and told me she thought I needed a bed as it was likely I’d be staying overnight – I was not expecting that at all.

So, to make a long story short – they initially were talking about me needing a blood transfusion as my iron was that low, but as I had no symptoms it was decided I should come back in the morning to receive an iron infusion instead. I left the hospital at 1am! I was shattered. Thank God for my family – my brother and my Mum were sat in the car for ages waiting to take me home – they’d tried to get in to sit with me but were refused because of all the COVID restrictions.

John did apologise when I told him the initial course of action was a blood transfusion – ‘didn’t think it was that serious’ he said. Yeah, because a nurse insisting I get my behind to the hospital ASAP didn’t sound serious at all…

I was back at the hospital for 9am and – after answering a truckload of questions – I finally received the iron drip and left around 2pm.

It’s funny how you think things are ‘normal’ – like waking up in the morning and feeling sluggish, like I needed another hour or two more to sleep. I don’t feel like that anymore. I’m generally more alert and not feeling like I need to take a nap during the day – it’s a revelation! I’m now on this journey to ensure I keep up my iron intake so this never happens again.

So, what do you think – surely I deserve a couple of hours to myself? I really don’t think it’s too much to ask…